Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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