Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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