I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
All the doctor said was why
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
