ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
