I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
