You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
