the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
