well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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