Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
