he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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