Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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