I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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