i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
