Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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