when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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