Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
