Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
