Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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