There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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