Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
