u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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