Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
