before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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