I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
