I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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