Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
