can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
