if i can run in heels then i can drive
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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