I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I fill condoms, not promises.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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