so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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