whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
