I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize