I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
