I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
