The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
