Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
