This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We're too hungover to prance.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
