Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
