so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
