this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
