I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
