I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
