You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
