John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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