i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
