ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
