You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize