I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just forgot I was standing up.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
