So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
