I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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