Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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