Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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