He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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