I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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