apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
