Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
