If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
