don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
