i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
