can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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