i permit you to call me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
