im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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