I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
