Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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