hell yes lets make some ravioli
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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