I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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